Friday, September 10, 2010
"I like refried beans. I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they're just as good and we're just wasting time.”
Now that I’ve explained why I’m writing and also justified it, let me get onto something more important or at least more interesting. It may come to a surprise to some of you but besides writing I have also picked up an interested in reading. Kinda makes since because they do go hand in hand, but still an accomplishment for me. Just so you have an understanding the last time I actually read anything was a little over a year ago when I read the magnificent work of my hero Tucker Maxx and his adventures in I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell. Some may argue that it doesn’t count to which I tend to agree with. So the book I read before that was Why We Suck: A Feel Good Guide to Staying Fat, Loud, Lazy and Stupid by Dr. Denis Leary. Don’t let the Dr. fool you though, although he is very smart and educated he is also a comedian and by the title can tell it’s not all that serious. I read that book about a year before the previous one. So as you see my reading list is far and few between. But despite all of that I, Jeff Newman, read a book. The last time I read an entire “book” (I use the quotes because my previous entries have been disqualified) was probably about 4 years ago when I read The Bourne Identity (before the movie thank you, and yes the book is much better than the movie). I even tried to read the second book in the series but the task proved to be too daunting and I gave up (so by default the movie was better the book).
This new kick has also stirred up some ridiculous ideas in my head like that I could read not only to entertain but also to learn! I know, I know, but before you get the pitchforks and torches hear me out. While the last thing I ever wanted to do once leaving school was touch another textbook (unless it was to annihilate it some way). But I soon realized all informational books aren't as painfully boring and difficult to understand as our school books were. The people that write these are smarter (in a different way) then the scientist and mathematicians who published our calculus books. For starters they know that since we are reading these books we are not experts like they are and dumb it down for us stupid people. I don’t have to know a thing about the topic for these books for me to understand it learn right away; as opposed to textbooks I would need a biology and literature degree just to understand the index. Another upgrade about these books is that they are funny as well as instructive, and I mean normal people funny, not little puns about a mushroom being a fun guy.
Because I stopped writing momentarily I lost my train of though and don’t want to go back and get back in the grove of what I was writing so I’ll start anew. I decided to take a little break and eat some lunch and the other two people in the office stepped out, and that’s when all the shit decided to go down. Literally seconds after they leave the phone rings, answer the phone, starts ringing again, finish my call answer the other line, phone rings again. So I can handle a few phone calls, put some people on hold and then I break the phone and lost all the calls. I had to use the other phone (which was mine since I actually broke my coworkers) to call back before I pissed off our customers too bad and fix the phone before anybody got back. Not really that bad when looking back but in the moment I was pretty hectic compared to what I descried of what I was doing before that happened.
But it’s actually been about two hours since that happened because I got side tracked and went to the bank and did some more work. Now I’m more pissed at the bank then I was frantic about my mini disaster. I’m not going to get into that now because its nothing of importance, just very irritating. Its 3:00 on a Friday afternoon and all this shit is just frustrating and I just want to go home. I don’t want to write anymore, and I don’t really even want to think anymore. I just want to put my headphones back in (which has changed from Deftones to Nirvana FYI) and coast the next hour. Until next time bitches!
Monday, August 16, 2010
Well ain't that something
I think what inspired me to write is the character from my show is a writer and it keeps inspiring me to write, but I just end up watching more of the show instead. Actually now that I think about it the main character is a writer in two shows i watch. During the show I get so inspired to write and get so many ideas that when the shows over I watch more episodes until its too late and go to bed. So I guess my desire to f=do nothing is greater than my desire to do something constructive and creative. So now I write meaningless blabber about how I should do something instead of actually doing it. I don't consider writing a blog, at least this blog, to be creative or constructive. At best this could be considered a lesser of evils of wastes of time. So all in all I consider this a pretty good medium.
Now that I've successfully wasted 2 good paragraphs on absolutely nothing I think its time I come up with a good topic to practice my creative writing side. I really wish I had some sort of idea or topic before I started this, it wold have made this whole thing a lot easier. Although nothing in life really is easy, or fair. Plain and simple life really is just a bitch. Its like that mean old lady across the street who nobody wants to talk to but you have to anyway because she has no family or friends so your forced to go, and all she does is bitch and moan. Its like a living version of menopause, not a person on it, just all the symptoms and side effects given a personification, and thats what life is. I don't even think any of that makes sense, even Im a little confused but what i just said, but its too late its written down so it cant be changed. A few of my favorite sayings about life are "lifes never fair", thank you dad for reminding me daily for 16 years of my life. "Nothing in life worth having is easy" I dont know who said this but you are a dick, but you are also correct. "You want something done right you gotta do it yourself" doesn't seem as relevant as the other but thank you for putting that line into lyrics Fred Durst. "Lifes a bitch, so die for her" Lil Wayne is right, i mean she's going to kill us all in the end anyway. But why is it that life is always given such a bad reputation. In her defense I am going to counter attack my own argument. "When I hear somebody sigh, "Life is hard," I am always tempted to ask, "Compared to what?" " Well put Sydney J. Harris. I couldn't have said it better myself, which is why I didn't and stole yours. So life can be challenging at times but its not always that bad. Besides, isnt it the challenge that makes the things in life so rewarding?
Now that Im extremely confused and not to mention (even thought I just did) tired Im calling it a night. After that hunk of mess about life I don't think I'm capable of putting two words that can make any reasonable sense right now. So goodnight cruel world, im going to sleep.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
For better or for worse
Upon speaking with advisors after my last semester there, when they told me since colleges here in Virginia have the acceptable accreditation that I could transfer credits back to finish my degree, somewhere between there and now they decided to enlighten me to the fact I can’t. In actuality I can transfer my credits, just not the grades accompanying them. And since my dumbass decided to let Neurological Disorders and alcohol keep me from graduation in the first place I have a number of classes left to take in order to finish. On top of that my grade point average is below the substantial grade point average minimum of a whopping 2.0 so I can’t afford to take classes and not raise my GPA.
After three semesters, two summers, and one full time job I realized it was time to go back. I was finally going to grow up and finish what I had started. I decided that I would get loans to pay for school and my parents would help out with living expenses (which I would pay back of course) and I would go in and out as quickly and quietly as possible (much like an extraction mission or term in prison). I was finally mentally and emotionally ready to go back and kick this associate’s ass when my parents sat me down. They told me it was unwise to get into debt and that they weren’t going to help, and wait another year when I would be eligible to receive financial aid. What the fuck is that bullshit! They know how much I hate that school, much less school in general, and how hard it would be to leave my job. It took me that long to decide to go back to school and now you say I shouldn’t go?!
I understand their reasoning, the fact that school or not I’m not doing whit with my life and they don’t want to be 10k down because of it. But still I mean at least let me get myself in debt and spend the rest of my adult life paying it off just like everybody else. It’s ok thought because I probably won’t go back to school and will have somebody to blame for being middle aged, bald, and making 40,000 a year for the rest of my life. Although the aging is inevitable, I will be able to hold the other two over their heads till they reach the point where neither will be able to remember what I’m talking about because “Alzheimer's disease may be passed from parents to children in some people scientists said after finding carriers of a faulty gene are two to three times more likely to have memory problems.” (Rebecca Smith, Medical Editor)
Now that I have entirely digressed from going to school to blaming my parents for balding and memory loss for absolutely no reason I’ll change the subject. Not really a change to a continuation from before my mindless ramblings. What am I going to do now that I’m home for another year? Obviously I will continue working at the job I once loved. Probably continue to live at home because I will live in a financial rut of making a low income and not saving my money. I will probably decide not to go back to school because even if I do achieve the great accomplishment of getting a two year degree I won’t continue on to receive a bachelors. So I guess coming full circle it’s a good thing they kept me from returning? Hmmm………..
Friday, July 9, 2010
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Short and Sweet
Now one might come and ask me “Jeff Newman, why do you even need to practice your writing skills? You only need it for writing essays in school,” And my response will be, “shut up fag!”. Although my reply has no credible answer to the somewhat reasonable question, I actually do have one. Aside from going back to school I will be able to use writing in my professional career. To go into more detail I could write a column for a newspaper or magazine, write business letters to customers or fellow employees, I could become a senator and have an affair and communicate only through emails so that there will be evidence when I get caught suckin face with a 17 year old hooker in the Bahamas. There are many different scenarios where good writing skills can come in handy.
Im sorry this is getting cut short but it’s a Friday night and yes I actually do have a life, peace bitches
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Wisdom is knowing what to do next; virtue is doing it.
In my last few “episodes” if you will, the most common theme was work and my room. For most of you that was probably a really boring theme I had going on. So to bring up something new, I’ve decided to go back to school! Again, maybe this isn’t the most exciting topic, especially since most of you are around the time of graduating yourself, so it doesn’t seem like anything of importance. Well to me it is. I’ve been out of school for a year and a half and have been with Autogate for close to 14 months. I’ve always heard its hard to go back to school once you leave, and its true. Especially when you didn’t even like it in the first place and you find something you love to replace it. I realized that although I love my job and everything about it I can’t do it forever. I thought about it for a while, and realized that if I left that job or line of work I have to fall back. I have no other skills that could land me anything better than an entry level position. My resume would be somewhat scattered between lifeguard, HR management intern, and electrician, with partial school in business. All good things, but wouldn’t get me much, especially since everything on it would be non sequitur. So I figured now was the time before I got to comfortable and would never go back. But I have a few changes I would make the second time around.
I forgot to mention that not only am I returning to school but that I am also returning to the notorious Snow College. Was this my choice? Yes. Is that my desire? No. While I was there last time dickin around drinking my life away and having depression I didn’t get a whole lot done. In my last two semesters I failed a fair amount of important classes. The reason I have to return is because I cannot make up those credits at a different school. And since I need all of those as my only remaining credits it looks like I’m shit out of luck. However like I said I have a new approach or “survival guide”. Let me break this down into two parts. Things I want to do and things I don’t. Lets start with the not.
THINGS I DON’T WANT TO DO
• Make friends (I’m only there for one semester not two years, I need to cut the cord)
• Get in trouble (Having already been to jail and having two different holds on my record for two different things, I’m going to try to not fuck up)
• Go to church (I’ll finally have a 7th day of the week
• Drink in the middle of the day (Didn’t work so well for me last time)
• Go to school events (Our college teams are a joke and not worth going too, and college dances really?!?)
• Put up with annoying roommates (Kindness doesn’t get the dishes done)
THINGS I DO WANT TO DO
• Go to class (More of a need too, than want)
• Do Homework (Something I didn’t try last time)
• Get in shape (Got a nice track and gym free for use, might as well use it)
• Call a complete stranger a fag for something he’s either doing or wearing (Pretty self explanatory right?)
• Tell one of the football players he isn’t the shit for being on the team (Especially if he’s on the bench!)
• Convince a person in one of my classes I’m mentally challenged (Maybe laugh every time the professor says a certain word frequently that’s related to that subject.)
• Meet, friend, and hook up with a girl on all false information about myself (Wedding crashers?)
So that’s about it, but I think short and simple is what I need. Im not bringing a TV or video games or any distractions. I want this experience to be like prison; I just want to go in do my time and get out. I wanna keep off the radar and not become somebody’s bitch. I don’t really have much else to say about going back to school or about anything else. So on that note I’m done.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
The only time my education was interrupted was when I was in school.
So if anybody out there has any faith left and checks to see if I have come out of hiding and written, here it is! This is the comeback of all blogs, the Rocky Balboa if you will. Ok maybe that’s a bit of a stretch, but I’m really back writing on here. I would list all the excuses for not writing but for a number of reason I’m not. First nobody wants to hear (or read) excuses for anything, all the excuses I could think of for a months time would fill two pages, I’d probably get bored and stop writing and that defeats the whole purpose, and lastly because I have no written objection too! So on tat note, welcome back friends.
A little catching up here and sorry if I cover anything old, I have no idea what I wrote in my last post. Since I’ve last written I got a roommate and had him move away. It was pretty fun having somebody my age live in my man cave (basement) with me. Even though I saw him more at work than I did back at the house it was still fun. I also finished up a month long job in Leesburg with was incredibly hard but surprisingly fun. I bought my big TV I wanted, a sexy 42” fat screen and my cool ass ex roommate bought a DVD player with surround sound. So basically its pretty cool living down here now, which brings me to a new observation, I am living the complete bachelor cliché. I’m eating three day old take out, drinking my big gulp, and crouched over my laptop in a dark messy room. If that doesn’t scream sad and lonely I don’t know what else does. I’m not saying I’m sad and lonely I'm actually quite the opposite it but ya I’m starting to confuse myself so I'm stopping.
On a different note, I'm coming up on working a full year at my job. Most of you don’t know what that is or what I do so let me explain a little. I work for an electronic security company. We are mainly an automatic gate company but we also work a lot in access control and security cameras. This may sound more like a skilled trade more than just a job you pick up and it is. All three of those fields are very complex and job specific (what purpose you re using it for). Besides all that it is also a very physical demanding job. A 20’ steel gate is a lot heavier than it looks. And how do you think cameras and gates get their power when they are 100’ away from any building? They are run underground which can mean a lot of digging. Poring concrete and cutting asphalt are another of my favorites but I think your starting to get the point. That point being it’s a tough job physically and intellectually. So not knowing how to do anything in this field how am I still here? Funny I ask myself the same question. Especially since in the year I’ve been four people, all with more experience have been let go. Its also weird because this is the longest I’ve ever worked for one place consistently. It sort of makes reality set in that I’m really out of school and into he real world. With all that said though I must say its been one hell of a year. I still have all of my fingers, barely. I’ve made some great friends. I’ve learned a ton about my field and myself. If you asked me a little over a year ago if I could work a 15 hour day in the heat digging all day, I would say HELL NO! But I’ve done that now, multiple times, and I still love this job. So I might not be bringing inn 100k a year with my fancy car and college degree, but I do well and I love what I do and the people I do it with (although I’ve never actually “done” it with any of them).
Sorry for my little venting session there but I had to let it out. Nobody really understands what it is what I do or what I do it. Everybody tells me to go back to school and get my degree. Well I say “Nah, ye nah sayers! I will not. Sorry I thought of the line in Role Models where the kid talks like that. To me I am in shool, I'm learning new things everyday. Except this school pays me, and I only learn the things relevant to what we do. They don’t take me off a work site to learn what type of sonnet Bache wrote in the 1800’s or the difference between plant and animal cells. If anybody were to ever ask me the difference between the two I would probably just punch them in the face and continue on whatever it was I was doing. I'm not trying to be closed minded about this I'm open to learning about all sorts of things, but I don’t want to waste precious time and money learning about stuff irrelevant to what I was investing my time and money in. Want to know why I'm only halfway through my sophomore year in college? Too bad I'm gonna tell you anyway. I'm one full semesters worth of work from an associates of science, basically the associate version of a degree in business management. The classes I have left? Life science, physical science, lab, music or some other “fine arts”, calculus, and statistics. You catching the drift? The classes I did take and pass; business law, business communication, micro economics, macro economics, managerial accounting, financial accounting, and a bunch of other dumb “required”. I tried getting my degree, even went out n extra semester but I just couldn’t do it. I learned what I went in to learn and was done. I wouldn’t mind finishing and eventually getting a degree in something if I ever change my career path but I think I got I need for a while that any school is gonna teach me. The last thing I'm going to say is loosely what my English 2010 professor once. He told us he wasn’t there to teach us but to educate us, because nobody can teach us but ourselves. He went on a little more in depth but I wasn’t paying attention and you get the idea.