Saturday, December 18, 2010

The joys of being retarded

So here I go again, writing in my, what seems to be, my monthly blog entry. Although these might become more frequent as it just came to my attention somebody actually reads these (thanks buddy). And as long as they give me friendly reminders to get up off my lazy and actually write this could possible become a fairly regular thing like it started off to be.
The real problem will be finding something to write about once I finally get around to it, which is starting to be a bit of a problem for me now too. So until then I guess I’ll just bull shit a little until something strikes me.
After a good hour or so on You Tube watching a wide array of stupid videos I decided I want to practice parkour. As defined by the all mighty Wikipedia “Parkour is the physical discipline of training to overcome any obstacle within one's path by adapting one's movements to the environment”. Basically it’s the people that ran, jump and flip over shit and can climb or jump off buildings. Although I see no practical reason to be able to do that I think it would be pretty bad ass. It would be a good addition to a standard gym workout though as I’m also doing that. Hopefully one day I’ll get really good at it and get chased on foot by somebody like the cops, murderer (who obviously doesn’t use guns), or a cheeta. That way I can put it to good use. But until then I’m gonna have to play it safe and stay away from trouble or hope I’m in my car.
Now that I’ve officially written the dumbest paragraph in the history in writing I will attempt to outdo myself. I am going to attempt to make sense of my brain. I’m not sure if this is normal for most people of if I’ve just gone completely insane, but I make up really weird stories and scenarios in my mind, and sometimes aloud. Usually these happen at work, since it’s usually the only time I’m interacting with people. But I will take something that was said or an action I saw and make the dumbest, illogical story you have ever heard from it. One example was I was working at an apartment complex one day and a group of middle school kids got off the bus and walked through the parking lot. One of the kids picked up sticks and began to throw them and a large sign that was probably about 4’x2’. Even though he got continually closer to the sign and the sticks got gradually bigger, he never hit the sign. Immediately I pictured the kid of a blacktop with a group of his friends, all lined up getting ready to pick teams. It eventually got down to this kid and a kid in a wheel chair. After a few seconds of deep thought the team captain picks the handicap kid. With this Jerome (yes, I have now named this uncoordinated character) is furious and begins to yell “What the F*@K man (because all middle schoolers do infact swear a lot) how you gonna pick up (insert handicap kids name here) before me?!?” And is answered with “Cuz he can at least hit a F*$*&NG sign with a stick” And with that Jerome throws the closest thing at him and misses.
That is just one of many examples I’ve had with these weird “stories” as I call them. To be honest that was one of the shorter and more appropriate ones, as they can get fairly lengthy (depending on my craziness of the day) and fairly detailed and just downright strange. Although I don’t know how much other people do it, if at all, I think it’s a bit unordinary. It does have its advantages however, it makes working a lot more enjoyable. I noticed it tends to happen a lot when doing mindless work (i.e. digging, mixing concrete, or riding in a truck). Most people would fill their thoughts with things more relevant; such as plans for the evening, the hot chick you met the night before, something that’s troubling them, a movie that still doesn’t make sense a week later, anything! But no, I let me mind wander so far that I wonder how I’m even able to make an intelligent thought afterwards. Maybe it has something to do with what those psychiatrist tests resulted in being ADD or the lack of attention span which was below the 1st percentile of people my age (also part of that test). But who needs medication to cope when you’ve got a constant entertainment instead. And with that I’m gonna go watch hockey. Peace