Wednesday, October 12, 2011

"We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them" Einstein

Where has the time gone?!? It’s been 6 months since I last wrote in this so called blog. I must say it has been a very interesting 6 months and has made life a bit interesting. I don’t really remember what was going on when I last wrote but judging by the date I was just working and playing soccer, two things I miss very much now. Let’s go through a little list to see all the things that have changed in the past 6 months; I quit my job (more of a long term leave of absence) then moved to Utah and started school. Normally that wouldn’t seem like a big deal since that’s pretty much what happens to every new college student when they first attend college, but this is different. I’m not 18 and just graduating high school leaving my summer job to finally leave for school. I had already gone to school, and failed. I cut my losses and came home and found a career in electronics that I loved. I dedicated 2 years of hard work to the company I loved and created a family with all the employees. Life was actually going well for me for the first time in a long time. I also had a great group of friends I hung out with regularly; I was playing soccer, and living the bachelor life in my parent’s basement. So why did I throw it all away to go back to school?

Growing up I always knew I was going to graduate high school, go to college, get a good job and live happily ever after. Then life happened and I realized that’s not how it works, at least not for me. I got bored of business which I thought was what I was destined for, I got sick of school entirely and gradually gave up on class and failed my way out of school, and I even got sick of life. Once I realized that I had no hopes of fulfilling the life I had planned I felt lost, scared, and most of all alone. I thought that nobody would understand my situation and most of all that they would be disappointed in me for failing. So instead of realizing after 2 years it wasn’t working and talking to somebody I decided to go back and bite my tongue and do what I was meant to do, that couldn’t not have been any worse of an idea. I stopped going to all my classes by mid-October and made no attempt to let anybody know how it was affecting me. I was scared to return home because of the shame and disappointment I would feel returning home again without success. Instead I was greeted with the love my parents show me no matter what and a determination to help me.

With the help and support of family and friends I was able to get out of the slump I was in, which is apparently called severe depression by medical professionals, and get my life back on track. I had to accept that I wasn’t a failure because I hadn’t accomplished the goals I had set out to do. Instead I had to realize that I was still on track and merely had taken the wrong road. The prestigious college degree wasn’t my only option for happiness and success. As I talked about before I found the job and career I loved and was happy. So I ask the question again, why go back?

Unlike going to Snow, I actually wanted to go to school this time. I now know what I want out of school and how it can help me. I found a program 100% relevant to my field and want to use it to advance in my career to help make up for lost time. Given my bad track record I was worried I would slip back to my previous habit of skipping class, avoiding homework, and eventually giving up all together. So far though I haven’t and plan to keep up my hard work. I learned from my mistakes and I know it isn’t going to be easy and will be a lot of hard work but this time I’m ready. I know I can let my family and friends know when things aren’t always easy and they will keep me going, a valuable lesson I learned the hard way before.
I miss my friends and family back home and the life I had before but I know this will be for the best. I have old and new friends here to help me along the way and all the ones back home. I will eventually be back to working and starting my life over again but until then I have to keep working towards it one day at a time. Nothing worth having is easy and nothing easy is worth having, so if I keep that in mind I can make it to the end.

P.S. I know it isnt my style to just write about me but given the large gap in entries and that I can do what hte hell I want with my blog I decided to give an update so suck it!

1 comment:

  1. Jeffie,

    I am seriously am so proud of you!! You amaze me. You keep plugging along and I will be your happily ever after once your graduate, kapeesh?? Keep up the blogging. i dig it. and you.