Not really sure why I decided I’d start writing or even who I’m writing too but I’m doing it anyway. I don’t know if I want to start or journal or turn this into a blog but I felt like writing so damn it I will. Funny how I never wanted to when I had to write for school, or wanted to keep a journal when my parents told me too, but when you have a lot on your mind and nobody to tell this is the next best thing. But at least this way its not graded and my parents aren’t gonna get on my ass about keeping this up so it’s a good alternative.
Now I realize that writing is meant to get a point across but I don’t have a point, I think that’s part of the ADD, so I’m not going to come to you with different topics like things that pissed me off today or people I can’t stand which is what a lot of blogs seem to be these days. In fact I think that after just writing that I decided to do an honest to goodness self evaluation. I think I am a piece of shit! I only have a handful of close friends and it’s probably because most people can’t stand me. I try to hard to be funny and really aren’t most of the time. I don’t do serious relationships not because I cheat and am that horrible but I just can’t. I’ve tried and it didn’t work. I tried the whole friends with benefirs thing and that didn’t work either so I’m just stuck in some sort of horrible purgatory that doesn’t allow me either.
And all this brings me to my next point which is I pity myself, and that is just absolutely disgusting. Nothing is more pitiful than a perfectly capable person feeling sorry for themselves when they only have themselves to blame. I wallow around complaining how horrible life is but yet I do nothing to fix it. Albert Einstein once said “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”, but yet I haven’t changed a damn thing in my life for the past year.
But as fun as this is I think I’m going to stop here, at least for now, because I could probably write pages about all the things wrong with me but 1. Am too lazy to keep going and 2. If I do post this at some point I don’t want to bore everybody reading this. Because if this is about me and I’m boring myself I know you the readers must be bored. Now there I go being arrogant and even assuming that anybody would read this garbage. So instead of continuing on my pointless ramblings I’m going to call it a night. Not because I’m tired or have nothing else to say but because I want structure. I want to figure out what the point of me writing is. Wither I come to you with a topic or if I do just go on randomly wherever my crazy brain takes me. If I’m writing for an audience or some sort of personal therapy or maybe even both I just want to figure it out.