Friday, January 29, 2010

There is a light that never goes out

I don’t know what I did but I am in the best mood I have been in a long time. The weird part about it is that considering the circumstances I really shouldn’t. Its been a tough week at work and spending the whole week in the office has made me go a little crazy (especially the 12 straight hours I spent in there last night), I got about 4 hours of sleep last night, and completely destroyed my throat last night. But despite all of that I am feeling invincible! I came into work with a great attitude and everything today has just turned out good. We got a big deal with a company that wants us to do work for them and the politics talk didn’t even bother me. In fact I even brought it up a time or two and made opposing remarks. Maybe it’s just the Prozac kicking in but whatever it is I like it.

I am completely ending that thought because I had stop writing for like half an hour and am coming back in am in an even better mood and didn’t feel like going back to continuing what I was saying. I have found a new you, the label maker! This thing is freakin sweet! It does pictures too! I’m making labels for everything in the office; so far I’ve labeled a pencil with a picture of a pencil, the phones with a picture of a phone, and the computers with the picture of a computer. My day has just gotten so much better and can’t wait to finish this post so I can continue my mischief. Did I mention that I’m also blasting Lady gaga? That little detail is crucial. Just so you know I did actually do some work though. I do want to try to write something with a little substance to it because I vowed not to write about the pointless things I do in my day to day life. So after I finish my interpretive dance to Pinks Sober I’ll get a real thought going.

I don’t think this qualifies as a significant thought but I think I’m in love with the singer from Flyleaf. Somehow that one sentence triggered something in this messed up brain of mine that has sparked an idea. I’m not satisfied with my life. Maybe I’m just so boring and routine that there isn’t even anything to get excited about but I just feel like something is missing. I felt that way when I dropped out of school, had no job, no relationship, no worries whatsoever and I’ve felt it while I had a good relationship, working two jobs, and playing soccer three nights a week. There is just some sort of void that is missing and I can’t figure it out, even when things appear to be great and I’m happy, I’m not. When I’m not around people parading around with my mask on I’m at home by myself trying to figure out what’s missing. I’m not saying my life completely sucks, but it would be nice to figure it out soon. I’ve got friends and family who love me and I love them in return, I’ve got a good job that I enjoy doing, I’ve had good relationships with great girls, but even with all those its not complete. I looked to religion to see if that’s what it was missing, I turned to alcohol as well. I got Prozac just to help me make it through the day. Hopefully I find whatever it is and soon, or if somebody knows the answer please let me know. Its getting exhausting living life this way, and want to break out of this frame of mind. Maybe the label maker is what has been missing and is the source of all my happiness.

Its weird how I went right from being in a great mood right back into this gloomy state but I guess I’m used to that now. I guess being in the good mood I was earlier is an indication that my life doesn’t completely suck so I can’t be too upset. Even the music I listened to changed moods. I somehow went from Lady Gaga and Pink to Anberlin and Thrice. It’s now 4:19 and time for me to finish writing and to go home and sleep. I’ve got to catch up on some of that sleep I missed last night and rest if I’m going to drown my problems tonight.

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