Saturday, February 6, 2010

Letting go doesn’t mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be

It’s been a day or two since I wrote but who’s counting. It snowed an ass load the past two days (about two feet) and I absolutely hate it. If I didn’t emphasize it enough in my last post, I really hate snow! Its cold, wet, and it sucks. So I’ve been stuck in pretty much all day which also sucks. What I would do just to go to 7-11 right now! Although the snow hasn’t been all bad, last night RJ and I went out in his badass Jeep and we drove around in the snow. That thing is a beast I was pretty impressed and it was loads of balls.

Today was not quite as exciting though. I spent all day moving my crap downstairs while moving all my parents crap upstairs. It wouldn’t have been so bad but there were a few things hindering my success. First is the fact I have no bedroom at the moment. The room which is going to be my bedroom is covered in dust and mold so I can hardly breathe due to allergies and has to be cleaned before moving in. Second thing was moving stuff sucks. It was tiring moving desks, beds, bookcases, and other types of furniture along with all the stuff the accompanied them. Last of all I had to spend an entire day at home with my parents. That was probably the worst part about the day (beside shoveling snow).

Overall though I guess I can’t complain. My parents were kind enough to give up their downstairs dwelling to me for more room and privacy. It all started when I talked with my mom one morning (about 8am on a Saturday when my mom woke me up to talk to me) and told me that I should consider this idea she had as opposed to my idea of moving out. Really I’m just glad to be saving money and not giving up half a months worth of work just to live somewhere. I’m horrible at saving money and I could only imagine how little money I would have if I was paying rent. Hopefully I can do better so in a year or so when I decided to move out for real I’ll have a little financial stability.

But aside from all that boring nonsense I found out some interesting stuff about myself the other day. I went to a psychiatrist the other day because I am in between doctors and was in need of more medication so I needed to see a doctor that could prescribe it for me. But since I was paying a ridiculous amount of money to do this and the couch was so comfy I decided to let him in on a few secrets on the life of Jeff. After an hour or so and a few heartwarming stories that would even make Disney cringe but he came to his final analysis that on top of depression I’m also bi polar.

Now I’ve never been one to depend on medicine to get by, or to blame a disorder for any of my problems but there comes a point when I have to decide what the right decision is. I thought to myself “hey everybody cries” when I was feeling depressed and it worked a little until I finally had to give in so I could get a good nights sleep. I never could pay attention in school and had a hard time doing my work and found out I got ADD and a reading disability. I decided to tough it up and continue on my own without any medicinal aid So now I have to think, can I handle this roller coaster or feelings on my own and not have everybody around me hate me or should I give in and take another medication? I’ve been on both sides of this and got to come to a decision. Although I’m listening to Bon Jovi and the song Sleep When I’m Dead is on so I guess I didn’t need meds to help me sleep, so I don’t need these either. Thanks Bon Jovi I knew I could count on you to help me make important life decisions!

1 comment:

  1. you're awesome jeff! you remind me so much of dave and he's a good guy (well that's my opinion anyway) so that's a compliment :)