The joys of being retarded

So here I go again, writing in my, what seems to be, my monthly blog entry. Although these might become more frequent as it just came to my attention somebody actually reads these (thanks buddy). And as long as they give me friendly reminders to get up off my lazy and actually write this could possible become a fairly regular thing like it started off to be.
The real problem will be finding something to write about once I finally get around to it, which is starting to be a bit of a problem for me now too. So until then I guess I’ll just bull shit a little until something strikes me.
After a good hour or so on You Tube watching a wide array of stupid videos I decided I want to practice parkour. As defined by the all mighty Wikipedia “Parkour is the physical discipline of training to overcome any obstacle within one's path by adapting one's movements to the environment”. Basically it’s the people that ran, jump and flip over shit and can climb or jump off buildings. Although I see no practical reason to be able to do that I think it would be pretty bad ass. It would be a good addition to a standard gym workout though as I’m also doing that. Hopefully one day I’ll get really good at it and get chased on foot by somebody like the cops, murderer (who obviously doesn’t use guns), or a cheeta. That way I can put it to good use. But until then I’m gonna have to play it safe and stay away from trouble or hope I’m in my car.
Now that I’ve officially written the dumbest paragraph in the history in writing I will attempt to outdo myself. I am going to attempt to make sense of my brain. I’m not sure if this is normal for most people of if I’ve just gone completely insane, but I make up really weird stories and scenarios in my mind, and sometimes aloud. Usually these happen at work, since it’s usually the only time I’m interacting with people. But I will take something that was said or an action I saw and make the dumbest, illogical story you have ever heard from it. One example was I was working at an apartment complex one day and a group of middle school kids got off the bus and walked through the parking lot. One of the kids picked up sticks and began to throw them and a large sign that was probably about 4’x2’. Even though he got continually closer to the sign and the sticks got gradually bigger, he never hit the sign. Immediately I pictured the kid of a blacktop with a group of his friends, all lined up getting ready to pick teams. It eventually got down to this kid and a kid in a wheel chair. After a few seconds of deep thought the team captain picks the handicap kid. With this Jerome (yes, I have now named this uncoordinated character) is furious and begins to yell “What the F*@K man (because all middle schoolers do infact swear a lot) how you gonna pick up (insert handicap kids name here) before me?!?” And is answered with “Cuz he can at least hit a F*$*&NG sign with a stick” And with that Jerome throws the closest thing at him and misses.
That is just one of many examples I’ve had with these weird “stories” as I call them. To be honest that was one of the shorter and more appropriate ones, as they can get fairly lengthy (depending on my craziness of the day) and fairly detailed and just downright strange. Although I don’t know how much other people do it, if at all, I think it’s a bit unordinary. It does have its advantages however, it makes working a lot more enjoyable. I noticed it tends to happen a lot when doing mindless work (i.e. digging, mixing concrete, or riding in a truck). Most people would fill their thoughts with things more relevant; such as plans for the evening, the hot chick you met the night before, something that’s troubling them, a movie that still doesn’t make sense a week later, anything! But no, I let me mind wander so far that I wonder how I’m even able to make an intelligent thought afterwards. Maybe it has something to do with what those psychiatrist tests resulted in being ADD or the lack of attention span which was below the 1st percentile of people my age (also part of that test). But who needs medication to cope when you’ve got a constant entertainment instead. And with that I’m gonna go watch hockey. Peace

I've left Bethlehem and I feel free... I've left the [man] I was supposed to be and some day I'll be born.

I want to write something incredible, inconceivable, and mind blowing. I want people to make people cry, laugh, hurt, love, question everything, and be truly inspired. I want everybody to read it and to read it again. I want it to be the topic of conversation, recommendation, and praise. Unfortunately this isn’t going to be it, and I doubt anything I ever write will be. But always know that I want to and be ready for it if it ever comes.
On a more realistic note I guess I could write something about Thanksgiving. I could talk about all the people who I’m so glad to have in my life or the many blessings I have such as a house, food, ext… But we all have those things and although everybody’s specific answers are different they are essentially all the same. So I sit here pondering what the hell I can write at least a page about (because that’s usually my minimum standard, even though most posts are hardly a few sentences past that one page mark). I already wasted a whole paragraph using all the words and synonyms I could think of, and this paragraph is slowly spiraling into nothing as well so I need an answer quick.
So I thought I found something and wrote three paragraphs on it and paused, looked it over, and then erased it. It was complete shit and not worth your time reading or my time to finish writing. So once again I am struggling to come up with any sort of focus. Ok so I haven’t really thought of anything so I’m going back to a conversation I had at lunch the other day with a friend. We were talking about how we’ve kept and lost contact with certain people throughout the years and how we or they have changed. Which then led to dreams of getting away, and that is what I’m gonna talk about.
You see it all the time in the movies, some person is sick of their life and has nothing left so they pack up and move to get a clean start. I want to do that! There is nothing so bad about my life now and theres nothing in my past I’m running from but I think that would be awesome. Although being a slightly responsible person (but mainly because I was broke) I would have to make a few prior arrangements. I don’t aev the money to be able to put myself up for a short time while or to even be able to stay anywhere. I would have to find a job and a place to live but other than that just get up and go. Maybe even be like a Good Will Hunting moment and not even tell anybody and just leave (For about ten seconds, from when I pull up to the curb and when I get to your door, 'cause I think, maybe I'll get up there and I'll knock on the door and you won't be there. No goodbye. No see you later. No nothing. You just left.)
As bad as this will make me look I would lose my old self and become a new person. I would shed my old friends, bad habits, reputation or whatever I wanted. I could meet new friends and make my own impression on people. I could make a name for myself and be my own person. No relying on people for stuff, no old meaningless grudges, high school drama, no bullshit at all. Not only to be free from all those past conflicts with others but to also be free from ourselves. So pressure put on yourself to get ahead or even maintain ourselves or others but to just live.
Maybe its just me being weird but I think that would be awesome. Maybe when I finish school and have a degree, some money, and work experience under my belt I’ll be able to do that. I’m not unhappy now and I do like my life and friends, its nothing against that, I just seek the ultimate freedom of worry. Theres always going to be bills and work and relationships that causes stress but there shouldn’t be any reason for more than that. I don’t even know if that makes any sense but If in a few years and you’re wondering well the hellever happened to Jeff Newman,, now you know. That or I’m laying face down in a ditch somewhere but either way I’m in a better place

And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.

Upon checking my vast computer database,( which contains about three old essays from college, come illegally downloaded songs, and way too many TV shows and movies that I wasted time watching) I noticed I hadn’t written anything since September 10. Not that it bothered me that I hadn’t written in that time, but it did bother me to realize how fast time seems to be going by. I sit here in reflection about the past year and think about all that has happened, all that didn’t happen, the what ifs and the should haves come to mind. I realize I’m about 2 months early for all this because its usually not until right before or after New Years people mull over the past year with regret and try to embrace a new positive outlook and upbeat way of life. But since it isn’t New Years and I don’t plan on changing drastically, or at least lie to myself about it, this is more sincere.
Within the past year I have decided to go back to school three semesters in a row and haven’t gone for any of them. I had planned to save money and move out of my parents house, yet I have no money and living in their basement. I continue to tell myself I’m going to change and continually don’t do it. I’m not sure of the sudden realization but I hate my life. I don’t mean that like the context of a suicide note and that everybody hates me and the world is out to get me, in fact its almost the complete opposite. I have a handful of friends that mean everything to me and would do anything for me. I have a fairly good job especially for the slowly raising economy, I was able to purchase a truck, and my parents allow me to live for free in their home while asking for little in return. Yet somehow in all that which is good I still find myself almost entirely discontented. I’m unhappy with almost everything about my life. At 23 and four years out of high school instead of just graduating from college and moving on with my life I am now just considering really going to school and where I want to lead my life. The majority of the friends I mentioned earlier live over 2000 miles away and I see once a year. I make goals for myself and fail to pass them time after time.
Maybe I set the standard to high for myself and just expect to fail and let myself. But whatever the reason I want to end it now. I may be sick of my house, parents, job, and life all together but I’m going to start making the most of it. I got “Carpe Diem” across my arm and I’ll be damned if I can’t live up to it. Before I thought maybe that meant being the life of the party or getting all the girls, but I think it’s more than that, and by more I mean less. It’s being happy with what I got. Instead of moping around and wallowing in my own self pity wish I could do it over again I’m going to start doing it now. I decided to go to school full time in the fall. I’ve made personal goals of what I want for myself physically, financially, and emotionally and instead of letting them go by the wayside I’m gonna fuckin do it!
Time is going to continue to fly by and I’d rather be I the driver seat enjoying the ride instead of watching it through the rearview mirror. I can’t continue to waste time by wondering where the time has gone, but anxiously await the time to come. Hopefully this isn’t all just a load of shit I made up in order to make myself feel better but that I go through with it. So on that note I’m going to go go to sleep because there is no more day left to seize in this day, and I’m going to need my rest if I’m going to tomorrow.

"I like refried beans. I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they're just as good and we're just wasting time.”

Productive, proactive, prolific, the 3 P’s that every businessman wants the employees in their company to be. Unfortunately I am none of those at the moment. Right now I am sitting at a desk on my office listening to the Deftones, reading a book, and writing this non constructive (for work or in general). But its noon on a Friday and I want to get the hell out of here and this is helping to pass the time. Why don’t I just do my work to pass the time would be a logical question to which I have a equivocal response. Why? Sure it seems bad I’m apparently slacking on the job but in all honesty I’m not. I’d say this is one of the better things I’ve spent my time on while filling in at the office. While I am the only employee that has enough training and education (not in a stuck up manor) to be able to work both the field and the office, my training and education is limited that I am not as capable in the field or in the office as those working their fields respectively. So when I do have to make the transition from field to office I have the necessary skills to accomplish minor tasks but still have to leave some of the responsibilities to others. So in short I did the shit I know how and am now just a secretary waiting for the phone to ring.
Now that I’ve explained why I’m writing and also justified it, let me get onto something more important or at least more interesting. It may come to a surprise to some of you but besides writing I have also picked up an interested in reading. Kinda makes since because they do go hand in hand, but still an accomplishment for me. Just so you have an understanding the last time I actually read anything was a little over a year ago when I read the magnificent work of my hero Tucker Maxx and his adventures in I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell. Some may argue that it doesn’t count to which I tend to agree with. So the book I read before that was Why We Suck: A Feel Good Guide to Staying Fat, Loud, Lazy and Stupid by Dr. Denis Leary. Don’t let the Dr. fool you though, although he is very smart and educated he is also a comedian and by the title can tell it’s not all that serious. I read that book about a year before the previous one. So as you see my reading list is far and few between. But despite all of that I, Jeff Newman, read a book. The last time I read an entire “book” (I use the quotes because my previous entries have been disqualified) was probably about 4 years ago when I read The Bourne Identity (before the movie thank you, and yes the book is much better than the movie). I even tried to read the second book in the series but the task proved to be too daunting and I gave up (so by default the movie was better the book).
This new kick has also stirred up some ridiculous ideas in my head like that I could read not only to entertain but also to learn! I know, I know, but before you get the pitchforks and torches hear me out. While the last thing I ever wanted to do once leaving school was touch another textbook (unless it was to annihilate it some way). But I soon realized all informational books aren't as painfully boring and difficult to understand as our school books were. The people that write these are smarter (in a different way) then the scientist and mathematicians who published our calculus books. For starters they know that since we are reading these books we are not experts like they are and dumb it down for us stupid people. I don’t have to know a thing about the topic for these books for me to understand it learn right away; as opposed to textbooks I would need a biology and literature degree just to understand the index. Another upgrade about these books is that they are funny as well as instructive, and I mean normal people funny, not little puns about a mushroom being a fun guy.
Because I stopped writing momentarily I lost my train of though and don’t want to go back and get back in the grove of what I was writing so I’ll start anew. I decided to take a little break and eat some lunch and the other two people in the office stepped out, and that’s when all the shit decided to go down. Literally seconds after they leave the phone rings, answer the phone, starts ringing again, finish my call answer the other line, phone rings again. So I can handle a few phone calls, put some people on hold and then I break the phone and lost all the calls. I had to use the other phone (which was mine since I actually broke my coworkers) to call back before I pissed off our customers too bad and fix the phone before anybody got back. Not really that bad when looking back but in the moment I was pretty hectic compared to what I descried of what I was doing before that happened.
But it’s actually been about two hours since that happened because I got side tracked and went to the bank and did some more work. Now I’m more pissed at the bank then I was frantic about my mini disaster. I’m not going to get into that now because its nothing of importance, just very irritating. Its 3:00 on a Friday afternoon and all this shit is just frustrating and I just want to go home. I don’t want to write anymore, and I don’t really even want to think anymore. I just want to put my headphones back in (which has changed from Deftones to Nirvana FYI) and coast the next hour. Until next time bitches!

Well ain't that something

Well I have no reason for writing this except for the fact I'm extremely bored. I'm at my sisters house "watching" her kids. They are 16, 13, and 10. Not really ages that need to be watched but still need somebody to drive them places. So I'm not doing anything until tomorrow when they need rides. So until then I will continue to waste time on facebook, watch TV, and write this nonsense.
I think what inspired me to write is the character from my show is a writer and it keeps inspiring me to write, but I just end up watching more of the show instead. Actually now that I think about it the main character is a writer in two shows i watch. During the show I get so inspired to write and get so many ideas that when the shows over I watch more episodes until its too late and go to bed. So I guess my desire to f=do nothing is greater than my desire to do something constructive and creative. So now I write meaningless blabber about how I should do something instead of actually doing it. I don't consider writing a blog, at least this blog, to be creative or constructive. At best this could be considered a lesser of evils of wastes of time. So all in all I consider this a pretty good medium.
Now that I've successfully wasted 2 good paragraphs on absolutely nothing I think its time I come up with a good topic to practice my creative writing side. I really wish I had some sort of idea or topic before I started this, it wold have made this whole thing a lot easier. Although nothing in life really is easy, or fair. Plain and simple life really is just a bitch. Its like that mean old lady across the street who nobody wants to talk to but you have to anyway because she has no family or friends so your forced to go, and all she does is bitch and moan. Its like a living version of menopause, not a person on it, just all the symptoms and side effects given a personification, and thats what life is. I don't even think any of that makes sense, even Im a little confused but what i just said, but its too late its written down so it cant be changed. A few of my favorite sayings about life are "lifes never fair", thank you dad for reminding me daily for 16 years of my life. "Nothing in life worth having is easy" I dont know who said this but you are a dick, but you are also correct. "You want something done right you gotta do it yourself" doesn't seem as relevant as the other but thank you for putting that line into lyrics Fred Durst. "Lifes a bitch, so die for her" Lil Wayne is right, i mean she's going to kill us all in the end anyway. But why is it that life is always given such a bad reputation. In her defense I am going to counter attack my own argument. "When I hear somebody sigh, "Life is hard," I am always tempted to ask, "Compared to what?" " Well put Sydney J. Harris. I couldn't have said it better myself, which is why I didn't and stole yours. So life can be challenging at times but its not always that bad. Besides, isnt it the challenge that makes the things in life so rewarding?
Now that Im extremely confused and not to mention (even thought I just did) tired Im calling it a night. After that hunk of mess about life I don't think I'm capable of putting two words that can make any reasonable sense right now. So goodnight cruel world, im going to sleep.

For better or for worse

Well it’s a Sunday night before my parents come back in town and this is the best thing I can think of to do. I’ve already gotten bored of video games, TV, pointless websites, and meaningless texts with friends. So I sat my lazy ass down (I saw this because I did contemplate working out) and decided to write a blog. Not really for the intention of writing a blog but so I don’t go completely insane. So here it is, an update on my less than ordinary life. Contrary to earlier blogs I am not going back to school, some unanticipated events took places that are hindering my (inadmissible) return to Snow College.

Upon speaking with advisors after my last semester there, when they told me since colleges here in Virginia have the acceptable accreditation that I could transfer credits back to finish my degree, somewhere between there and now they decided to enlighten me to the fact I can’t. In actuality I can transfer my credits, just not the grades accompanying them. And since my dumbass decided to let Neurological Disorders and alcohol keep me from graduation in the first place I have a number of classes left to take in order to finish. On top of that my grade point average is below the substantial grade point average minimum of a whopping 2.0 so I can’t afford to take classes and not raise my GPA.

After three semesters, two summers, and one full time job I realized it was time to go back. I was finally going to grow up and finish what I had started. I decided that I would get loans to pay for school and my parents would help out with living expenses (which I would pay back of course) and I would go in and out as quickly and quietly as possible (much like an extraction mission or term in prison). I was finally mentally and emotionally ready to go back and kick this associate’s ass when my parents sat me down. They told me it was unwise to get into debt and that they weren’t going to help, and wait another year when I would be eligible to receive financial aid. What the fuck is that bullshit! They know how much I hate that school, much less school in general, and how hard it would be to leave my job. It took me that long to decide to go back to school and now you say I shouldn’t go?!
I understand their reasoning, the fact that school or not I’m not doing whit with my life and they don’t want to be 10k down because of it. But still I mean at least let me get myself in debt and spend the rest of my adult life paying it off just like everybody else. It’s ok thought because I probably won’t go back to school and will have somebody to blame for being middle aged, bald, and making 40,000 a year for the rest of my life. Although the aging is inevitable, I will be able to hold the other two over their heads till they reach the point where neither will be able to remember what I’m talking about because “Alzheimer's disease may be passed from parents to children in some people scientists said after finding carriers of a faulty gene are two to three times more likely to have memory problems.” (Rebecca Smith, Medical Editor)

Now that I have entirely digressed from going to school to blaming my parents for balding and memory loss for absolutely no reason I’ll change the subject. Not really a change to a continuation from before my mindless ramblings. What am I going to do now that I’m home for another year? Obviously I will continue working at the job I once loved. Probably continue to live at home because I will live in a financial rut of making a low income and not saving my money. I will probably decide not to go back to school because even if I do achieve the great accomplishment of getting a two year degree I won’t continue on to receive a bachelors. So I guess coming full circle it’s a good thing they kept me from returning? Hmmm………..

Survey

Should I continue blogging in my semester at snow?

Short and Sweet

So contrary to my belief, people do actually read this. Thank you Ashley for possibly being the only person that reads my blog. It is nice to know that my friends actually do care about me and check up on things like this about me, and that this thing actually isn’t for nothing. I can’t base this blogs worth on mere numbers of views however, because that isn’t the point. Like I said from day one, this is about me baby! As much fun as it is writing complete nonsense on here it actually has a purpose. This purpose being I like to write, this gives me an excuse to write in a totally bias free environment and is considerably less nerd like than writing about scientific research. There we have it, I like to write. Now the whole world knows it, or at least has access to knowing it. I like this because it gives me practice each and every day to improve my writing skills.
Now one might come and ask me “Jeff Newman, why do you even need to practice your writing skills? You only need it for writing essays in school,” And my response will be, “shut up fag!”. Although my reply has no credible answer to the somewhat reasonable question, I actually do have one. Aside from going back to school I will be able to use writing in my professional career. To go into more detail I could write a column for a newspaper or magazine, write business letters to customers or fellow employees, I could become a senator and have an affair and communicate only through emails so that there will be evidence when I get caught suckin face with a 17 year old hooker in the Bahamas. There are many different scenarios where good writing skills can come in handy.
Im sorry this is getting cut short but it’s a Friday night and yes I actually do have a life, peace bitches

Wisdom is knowing what to do next; virtue is doing it.

So once again I come on again randomly to express some new thought and ideas that have been bubbling up inside this head of mine for quite some time now. I realize its been a few months since I last wrote but understand that I do have a life. However boring and pointless my life is, is irrelevant, because its that same life that keeps me from entertaining your life. So without further ado let me jump right in.
In my last few “episodes” if you will, the most common theme was work and my room. For most of you that was probably a really boring theme I had going on. So to bring up something new, I’ve decided to go back to school! Again, maybe this isn’t the most exciting topic, especially since most of you are around the time of graduating yourself, so it doesn’t seem like anything of importance. Well to me it is. I’ve been out of school for a year and a half and have been with Autogate for close to 14 months. I’ve always heard its hard to go back to school once you leave, and its true. Especially when you didn’t even like it in the first place and you find something you love to replace it. I realized that although I love my job and everything about it I can’t do it forever. I thought about it for a while, and realized that if I left that job or line of work I have to fall back. I have no other skills that could land me anything better than an entry level position. My resume would be somewhat scattered between lifeguard, HR management intern, and electrician, with partial school in business. All good things, but wouldn’t get me much, especially since everything on it would be non sequitur. So I figured now was the time before I got to comfortable and would never go back. But I have a few changes I would make the second time around.
I forgot to mention that not only am I returning to school but that I am also returning to the notorious Snow College. Was this my choice? Yes. Is that my desire? No. While I was there last time dickin around drinking my life away and having depression I didn’t get a whole lot done. In my last two semesters I failed a fair amount of important classes. The reason I have to return is because I cannot make up those credits at a different school. And since I need all of those as my only remaining credits it looks like I’m shit out of luck. However like I said I have a new approach or “survival guide”. Let me break this down into two parts. Things I want to do and things I don’t. Lets start with the not.
THINGS I DON’T WANT TO DO

• Make friends (I’m only there for one semester not two years, I need to cut the cord)
• Get in trouble (Having already been to jail and having two different holds on my record for two different things, I’m going to try to not fuck up)
• Go to church (I’ll finally have a 7th day of the week
• Drink in the middle of the day (Didn’t work so well for me last time)
• Go to school events (Our college teams are a joke and not worth going too, and college dances really?!?)
• Put up with annoying roommates (Kindness doesn’t get the dishes done)

THINGS I DO WANT TO DO

• Go to class (More of a need too, than want)
• Do Homework (Something I didn’t try last time)
• Get in shape (Got a nice track and gym free for use, might as well use it)
• Call a complete stranger a fag for something he’s either doing or wearing (Pretty self explanatory right?)
• Tell one of the football players he isn’t the shit for being on the team (Especially if he’s on the bench!)
• Convince a person in one of my classes I’m mentally challenged (Maybe laugh every time the professor says a certain word frequently that’s related to that subject.)
• Meet, friend, and hook up with a girl on all false information about myself (Wedding crashers?)
So that’s about it, but I think short and simple is what I need. Im not bringing a TV or video games or any distractions. I want this experience to be like prison; I just want to go in do my time and get out. I wanna keep off the radar and not become somebody’s bitch. I don’t really have much else to say about going back to school or about anything else. So on that note I’m done.

The only time my education was interrupted was when I was in school.

So if anybody out there has any faith left and checks to see if I have come out of hiding and written, here it is! This is the comeback of all blogs, the Rocky Balboa if you will. Ok maybe that’s a bit of a stretch, but I’m really back writing on here. I would list all the excuses for not writing but for a number of reason I’m not. First nobody wants to hear (or read) excuses for anything, all the excuses I could think of for a months time would fill two pages, I’d probably get bored and stop writing and that defeats the whole purpose, and lastly because I have no written objection too! So on tat note, welcome back friends.

A little catching up here and sorry if I cover anything old, I have no idea what I wrote in my last post. Since I’ve last written I got a roommate and had him move away. It was pretty fun having somebody my age live in my man cave (basement) with me. Even though I saw him more at work than I did back at the house it was still fun. I also finished up a month long job in Leesburg with was incredibly hard but surprisingly fun. I bought my big TV I wanted, a sexy 42” fat screen and my cool ass ex roommate bought a DVD player with surround sound. So basically its pretty cool living down here now, which brings me to a new observation, I am living the complete bachelor cliché. I’m eating three day old take out, drinking my big gulp, and crouched over my laptop in a dark messy room. If that doesn’t scream sad and lonely I don’t know what else does. I’m not saying I’m sad and lonely I'm actually quite the opposite it but ya I’m starting to confuse myself so I'm stopping.

On a different note, I'm coming up on working a full year at my job. Most of you don’t know what that is or what I do so let me explain a little. I work for an electronic security company. We are mainly an automatic gate company but we also work a lot in access control and security cameras. This may sound more like a skilled trade more than just a job you pick up and it is. All three of those fields are very complex and job specific (what purpose you re using it for). Besides all that it is also a very physical demanding job. A 20’ steel gate is a lot heavier than it looks. And how do you think cameras and gates get their power when they are 100’ away from any building? They are run underground which can mean a lot of digging. Poring concrete and cutting asphalt are another of my favorites but I think your starting to get the point. That point being it’s a tough job physically and intellectually. So not knowing how to do anything in this field how am I still here? Funny I ask myself the same question. Especially since in the year I’ve been four people, all with more experience have been let go. Its also weird because this is the longest I’ve ever worked for one place consistently. It sort of makes reality set in that I’m really out of school and into he real world. With all that said though I must say its been one hell of a year. I still have all of my fingers, barely. I’ve made some great friends. I’ve learned a ton about my field and myself. If you asked me a little over a year ago if I could work a 15 hour day in the heat digging all day, I would say HELL NO! But I’ve done that now, multiple times, and I still love this job. So I might not be bringing inn 100k a year with my fancy car and college degree, but I do well and I love what I do and the people I do it with (although I’ve never actually “done” it with any of them).

Sorry for my little venting session there but I had to let it out. Nobody really understands what it is what I do or what I do it. Everybody tells me to go back to school and get my degree. Well I say “Nah, ye nah sayers! I will not. Sorry I thought of the line in Role Models where the kid talks like that. To me I am in shool, I'm learning new things everyday. Except this school pays me, and I only learn the things relevant to what we do. They don’t take me off a work site to learn what type of sonnet Bache wrote in the 1800’s or the difference between plant and animal cells. If anybody were to ever ask me the difference between the two I would probably just punch them in the face and continue on whatever it was I was doing. I'm not trying to be closed minded about this I'm open to learning about all sorts of things, but I don’t want to waste precious time and money learning about stuff irrelevant to what I was investing my time and money in. Want to know why I'm only halfway through my sophomore year in college? Too bad I'm gonna tell you anyway. I'm one full semesters worth of work from an associates of science, basically the associate version of a degree in business management. The classes I have left? Life science, physical science, lab, music or some other “fine arts”, calculus, and statistics. You catching the drift? The classes I did take and pass; business law, business communication, micro economics, macro economics, managerial accounting, financial accounting, and a bunch of other dumb “required”. I tried getting my degree, even went out n extra semester but I just couldn’t do it. I learned what I went in to learn and was done. I wouldn’t mind finishing and eventually getting a degree in something if I ever change my career path but I think I got I need for a while that any school is gonna teach me. The last thing I'm going to say is loosely what my English 2010 professor once. He told us he wasn’t there to teach us but to educate us, because nobody can teach us but ourselves. He went on a little more in depth but I wasn’t paying attention and you get the idea.

Tired, leave me alone

So it’s been a little while since I’ve written but at least I have good excuses for it. I’ve been working 12 our days and am exhausted by the time I get home. And when I et home I usually have to head right out for either soccer or basketball, so when I’m done with that I really don’t fee like doing anything but sleeping. On top of all that my computer died so it’s a little harder to write when I cant get on my comp. To further explain the work situation; I have to leave at 6:15 to get to the job site by 7:3-0 where a typical day consists of digging, mixing and pouring concrete, and cutting and moving asphalt. Do those three things for roughly ten ours and make the long 75 min drive back home. Its so bad that I stopped working out and am definitely seeing the results of that. So if I cant evn work out I sure as hell cant write because lets face it writing this stupid blog which only I read is not worth losing my physical appearance.

Which brings me to my next topic which I just thought of right now is peoples physical appearance. I want to direct that at body physique. Obviously a girl is going to want a ripped guy with wash board abs and a guy would live a skinny tight girl with big tits. Moving past the obvious and very unlikely how important are these features? For the most part you are going to initially meet somebody while fully clothed (unless at the beach, pool, strip club, ect…). With that in mind you aren’t going to be able to tell if the have a perfectly tones tummy or perfect 6-pack abs. Say things work out, you hang out and things start to heat up. By this time when you finally see these features for the first time its not going to matter if they are shredded or chubby you already want it and are going for it. So how important are these so called perfect bodies? Looks can only get you so far, as far as the bedroom even, but it can’t make things last. Sure you can get a ton of one night stands and booty calls but how long does that last for? Don’t get me wrong I still want an amazing body and want to work had for it, but why? I guess personal satisfaction knowing that I accomplished something that I wanted. It will also help me athletically because its not just looks its muscle ad will help me in my physical aspect. Lastly it will help me get ladies. As I said I know looks aren’t everything but they sure don’t hurt! I don’t plan on using that along but I need all the help I can get.

So this has been a very unproductive session but I’m literally falling asleep so I’m gonna bounce. Not literally because I’m laying in bed right now. NIght

I've got nothing to say that you want to hear

Well for once I’ve started writing and already have some things on mind so I don’t have to bullshit through a few paragraphs to get to my point. So before I start off on something irrelevant let me begin. For those of you who have followed and actually care, I have almost gotten my downstairs dwelling almost completed. The painting is completed, I’ve received (and constructed) my IKEA furniture, and all that’s left is to put things away where I want them to be. The only thing I’ll have left to do after that is buy a sweet TV and PS3 so I’ll have something to do down here, and find somebody to come over and spend time with. Nothing screams loser more than coming home, playing Madden, and watching a movie by yourself; although living in your parent’s basement kinda already says that. But it allows me to save up my money (theoretically) so I can make it out into the world one day.

This next paragraph is going to be a bunch or totally random and unrelated statements; for starters today is my half birthday. Next I think I fractured my toe last night kicking it against a piece of new furniture in my room. My finger that I nearly sliced off is aching and I’m not sure why, probably has something to do with basketball and stitches holding my tendon together and crazy weather changes….. That’s about it I really thought I had more things to say, guess not. Although there is a Reeces peanut butter cup laying on the floor that I’ve been eyeballing for the past few minutes if that counts.

So I guess its time to continue on to the next random thing that’s been on my mind for a while which is dreams. Where the fucks do they come from! Do they have any meaning? I mean I realize some do like the typical late to the airport or show up to school naked but I mean the weird ass ones. When I’m running around Hong Kong with some strippers trying not to get killed my some drug dealers is that supposed to mean anything? Or when I’m lost in an airport and Nick decides to kill himself does that mean I secretly hate him? I just don’t understand how these weird ass things get inside your head. It’s not like I was thinking about how I wanted Nick to jump off a balcony just as I was falling asleep. I don’t even know how it’s possible to dream! I have a hard enough time remembering what I did yesterday, why you gotta mess with my brain and throw dreams into the mix. The worst is always when you have a dream about your everyday life and you can’t tell later on if what happened was in your dream or in reality. I’ve dreamed about work a couple times and had to stop and think, did I ever race a work van around the beltway or was that my dream? It’s just weird (oh and P.S. I just ate the Reeces) to think about what goes on in your subconscious mind. Sometimes I have such weird and elaborate dreams in a row that I get excited to sleep just to dream.

I’ve really got nothing else on my mind expect how bad my toe and finger hurt so I’m gonna call it a night. Plus I’ve got to get up in 5 hours to work a 10 hour day so I best be getting to bed now. I’m to tired to think of some witty clever ending or title for this post so just deal with it. Peace bitches!!!

"It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid."

Well Im back once again for my not daily posting. In all fairness I have written since my last post I just haven’t published it. Why you might ask? Because like I said from the beginning this isn’t about blogging it’s about me damn it! What did I write about? I don’t remember, obviously nothing of importance because if it was 1. I would have posted it 2. I would have remembered 3. Nothing I write is of importance. I mean seriously I’m not writing for a fucking science journal here. But before I piss you off in my introductory paragraph let me remind you to just be happy that I’m deciding to write publically and enjoy the following.

What really made me want to write was the other day on 99.5 on their morning show they made a general public announcement that you could get injured from wearing UGG boots/slippers. So they had people (girls) call in who had been injured due to the wearing of UGGS. The calls went something like this

Caller: “Hey I was wearing UGG boots and I sprained my ankle”

Kane: “How did you do that?”

Caller: “I was walking up stairs and I missed a step and sprained my ankle. It is the UGGS fault because they are so light you don’t have to lift your feet, its like you glide on the floor”

NEXT CALLER

Caller 2: “So I was outside shoveling snow in my UGGS and I came inside and I skipped really bad and I swear I broke my tail bone”

Kane: “And it was because you were wearing UGGS?”

Caller 2: “Oh of course”

NEXT CALLER

Caller 3: “Ya I sprained my ankle because of my UGG boots”

Kane: “Ya what happened”

Caller 3: “Well I was (insert completely harmless activity, probsbly walking), and I rolled my ankle and sprained it!”

Kane: “And that was because you were wearing UGGS?”

Caller 3: “Ya they have absolutely no ankle support so when I rolled it it just went out”

Ok honestly UGGS were not the problem, the owners were. Notice nobody called in saying my UGGS attacked me, or they gave you some sort of rash. No you did an everyday activity and fell because you are a moron. You would have never have blamed your stupid boots until you heard on the radio that they were the source of injuries. The only reason you know you were wearing your boots when it happened was because you wore them every single day between December 1^st and somewhere in the middle of February. Flip flips have absolutely no ankle support but you don’t hear radio shows talking about how dangerous they are. I slipped after shoveling snow, well no shit dumbass; you probably had snow stuck on the bottom of the treads. And my personal favorite, its their fault because they are so light its like gliding on the floor, is that really your excuse for saying I tripped walking up the stairs? We’ve all done it before; hell I’ve done it a lot. Not once did I blame my shoes (or lack thereof).

Before I start a frenzy about stupid people and how much they irritate me, I’ll switch the subject, sort of. Because the job site that I am working at right now involves a lot of manual labor and not too much of the thinking part there is a lot of discussion and thinking done while at work. I don’t know if it’s all the drugs I’m on, the hours of time to think, or the hilarious people I work with (or any combination of the three) there are a lot of really funny things done/said at work. I had the brilliant idea of starting an animated sketch comedy show about the things we say at work. There have been many great jokes thrown around so far so I’ll spit one out and let me know if you actually think its funny. A guy is living his ordinary life and he notices he’s checking out both girls and guys, he’s a little confused as to his sexual orientation and doesn’t know what to do. He goes day in and day out trying to figure it out. Eventually he decides to pray and asks God for some sort of sign letting him know if he’s straight or gay. The next day he gets up and is pumped for a great day and ready to see what God is going to show him. As soon as he steps outside there is a handwritten sign in his lawn saying “HOMO”. He is a little sad ad first and then after a second or two comes to terms with it and goes on his merry (gay) way. Now add a little more humor in-between, some good animation, and music and I think it would be funny. It might just be me because I had the idea but let me know. That is just one example of the weird things that come to my mind while working; and it’s not even the funniest of weirdest. It would be the humor and animation of Family Guy, and the concept of Robot Chicken (short little animated skits, but with good animating and actually funny).

Because of the hard manual labor that I do (no matter how much fun we have doing it) I am completely exhausted and need to go to bed. Although I don’t write for feedback usually let me know if that is funny in any way. And be completely honest because if it’s not I’m ok with it because it’s what gets me through the day and that’s all that matters.

Looking up good titles is just to hard now, just be happy I'm writing

What to say….. the possibilities are endless and I have no idea what to talk about. It sucks not having anything going on inside my head it’s always just so empty. At 7-11 I was so zoned out the guy behind me had to ask if I was in line! Guess that’s what happens when you’re tired all the time and have been off and on a bunch of different meds for a while.

In other news my room is still not freakin done! I have all my crap moved to the center of the room so we can paint my “living room” before we get everything settled. I guess I shouldn’t complain because I’m never home anyway and when I am I’m either in bed or on the computer, and I can still do both. Its just not as relaxing coming home and trying to fight through a bookshelf and desk just to get to my computer. Eventually I would like to get it to the point where I could actually have people over and entertain them them. Speaking of entertain my new phone is totally bad ass! I can do so much stuff on it, its like having a mini computer. I know the technology has been around for a while but I just finally have the phone that can do it. I can watch movies on this freakin thing, I don’t know when I would but I can and that’s all I care about.

So once again I’m writing about pointless nonsense and still haven’t come up with anything good to write about. That’s probably why I stopped writing in the first place because I had some sort of writers block. That’s not really the case though because if I were to write a book or screen play I would rock. I have so much weird ides going through this dome I could come up with a decent story, it’s the actual writing it down and editing and rewriting and making the story flow and follow itself that I don’t have the time or patience for. So instead I write a blog and yet nothing comes to mind. Maybe I should start writing short stories or something. I don’t know what purpose that would serve exceot that if they were so good they might read it in middle schools 100 years after I die.

Speaking of middle school, that is the dumbest thing ever. Every single class is a pre something to a class you will take in high school. Pre algebra, biology, even the electives are that way too. The history class will be re taught and English is the same every year so that’s obvious. I get the fact they try to prepare you mentally for high school but it fails. You think you’re so big and bad because you have a locker and block scheduling, but you still have recess and field trips. I was so naive back in middle school that high school was a culture shock even though I had seen a lot (or so I had thought). I just think the school system could do a better job or preparing kids. Elementary school all they talk about is what middle school will be like, and in middle school it’s all about preparing for high school. High school is all about preparing you for college. I dropped out of college! So was it all a waste? I’m not entirely sure but instead of focusing so much about what ahead of us why not make it applicable to our current time. Its pretty safe to say that in middle school nobody knows what they are going to be doing for their professional career. Since we don’t know what our future holds and don’t know what calluses will be more practical and which will be of more use, why not tell us why we need it now instead of in 15 years when were working. Back in middle school if you told me I would need (insert any subject here) in my career I would laugh in your face and say “doing what?” If you had told me that instead of preparing me for high school that you were making me a more learned person and that it would help me in my career overall than I could understand. I am definitely not working in the industry that I thought I would be and that’s how it is for a lot of people. Even in college we have to take general study classes. A lot of people (even me for a while) thought that was the dumbest thing ever. If we have a major and are taking classes specifically for that field, why the hell would we still need to take other classes that don’t pertain to our field of study? The simple answer is because you never know what you’re going to do. I was a business major and am now working with electricity. Obviously electrical classes are not a general study class you get the point. Also there is no harm in being a well rounded person and knowing a lot, you’ll never know when it comes in handy. For all you know it could help you answer the million dollar question on jeopardy.

That may not mean much coming from a junior college dropout who never really cared for school in the first place; put hey I didn’t ask if it did. You aren’t reading this because you asked my opinion but because you wanted to know what I had to say; and dammit that’s what I have to say.

So that’s it for tonight, signing off

Self titled

So it’s been quite some time since I last wrote and I’m feeling a little guilty. Not because of what I told myself but because people actually started asking why I haven’t been writing. I thought people only looked on here because I asked them to but it turns out my friends are just as bored as I am and resort to my blog for some sort of entertainment. Im teasing its only because I’m a horrible person and this is the only way my friends out of state (or country in one case) can see how I’m doing. I’m used to disappointing myself but I can’t stand to let down others.

In other news winter seems to have finally ended and the nicer weather is approaching. I cannot begin to describe how happy this makes me. Just waking up and not shivering makes my day that much better. Next weekend is daylight savings and before I know it it’s going to be summer. Something about summer just makes everything better. Even though in the summer work is harder and longer I don’t care. I’ll work my 12 hour day and it will still be light outside so I’m going to go have fun. I’ll probably only get like 50 hours of sleep all summer but it will totally be worth it right?

In other other news I’ve been off and on medications a lot lately and it’s probably the coolest thing ever. I decided to start taking the lithium on top of Prozac. Now I had suddenly stopped taking Prozac and all it really did was give me some serious headaches, so I figured stopping lithium would be about the same. That last statement couldn’t be any more false! I was in Florida for a few days and had been of my medication and I was tripping balls. I would hallucinate, feel like the world was moving off its axis, feel waves in my bed, and other weird stuff you see in psycho people, no wonder why they always seem happy and are laughing.

Its 11:30 and I really have nothing to write about and don’t feel like trying to come up with a topic, especially with the warm weather I need to get my sleep in now! So if you’re reading this stay tuned for more to come

Untitled

Well its been a few weeks since I last wrote so I figured I’d give it another go. Funny I stopped working out about the same time I stopped writing, and low and behold I worked out today too, maybe that’s what motivates me to tell people all the pointless shit in my life. Speaking of pointless shit, winter Olympics anybody? Ya didn’t think so. The winter Olympics have to be the worst sporting events ever, I mean what is the point of competing in “sports” that are only competed in during the Olympics? Ice dancing, speed skating, curling, when was the last time you watched that outside of the Olympics? Summer Olympics at least has events that you see on a semi regular basis, and sports you can play in high school. You would get laughed at if you asked the athletics director where to sign up for the bobsled team. Don’t get me wrong, I think they are all amazing athletes and fierce competitors, I just think the sports themselves are a little dull. I’d like to see one or two people from each country fight in a no rules cage match or something, not some fairy doing ballet on ice. There’s a reason the expression of adding “on ice” to emphasize how much you disliked something.

On a brighter note I finally feel like some of my luch has finally turned around. Work has picked up so I’m no longer trapped around my house. Work has gotten a lot better, in fact they got me a work cell phone, I’m going to Florida for training a week from today, and am going to more training a week from then. So all in all its looking up.

Ok I’ve been on here 30 minutes and only written this much. Obviously I have too much other stuff going on and can’t think so I’m calling it quits. Hopefully I get back into it and write a little more frequently again

Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies

Nothing new going on here. Another snow fall and another day stuck inside. I spent most of my day painting my bedroom and shoveling snow. This move into my basement is turning out to be more of a hassle than I imagined. I thought it was going to be a quick switcharo, but instead my mom is insisting all this work be done. I’m beginning to think she wanted to switch just so she could get the room while it was open to make the changes she wanted made. It has been five days since we switched and I’m still stuck in the one room, and found out today when my bedroom is ready she wants to work on this one too! Its annoying but what can I do?

Other than that dumb bull shit things are going pretty well. I say pretty well in a relative term, considering there over two feet of snow outside, my living area smells like paint and my parents are driving me insane. So I guess when I say things are well I really just mean I haven’t had to resort to killing myself or my parents just yet, but if we get any more snow somebody isn’t going to make it.

I’m actually feeling quite guilty because I’ve been slacking on my P90X workouts this past week but between not having any space in my room to work out and being so tired lately I just haven’t been motivated too. Besides I think moving furniture and all the snow shoveling I’ve done this week makes up for it. I have to start it back up soon because I know if I don’t get back on it next week I’m off for good. Its crucial to stay on it too because in the winter I don’t get a whole lot of exercise like I do in the other seasons. Soccer games have been cancelled every week due to snow, basketball games have been called off as well, and work isn’t even as physically demanding in the cold so I really need to be doing this to stay in some sort of shape or else I’ll become some sort of blob and have to start from nothing when soccer starts up again.

I’m putting so much emphasis on soccer because it’s really all I have to look forward too. Soccer has been my passion ever since I can remember and the only thing that’s been consistent throughout my life. There has never been a moment or season I haven’t been playing soccer. I played every spring and fall season from the age of 3-18 sometimes more than one team at a time. When I went off to Snow I played on the club team there. It wasn’t much of a team and only had two games against other schools but it meant playing every day and that’s all I needed. We played indoor soccer during off season and intramurals in spring. Really soccer was my saving grace at Snow and gave me some happiness in some of the roughest times in my life. Since I’ve been back I’ve played on about seven different teams now and is again a saving grace. Going through a tough work week I can rely on having a soccer game to make me feel better, win or lose. Just knowing I have a game that night makes the worst day better. The day I crushed my finger I didn’t want to go to the hospital because I didn’t want to miss my soccer game (unfortunately I was forced into going).

I’m not really sure why I felt the need to go into such detail about that other than I think I just miss it right now in this snowy mess. I haven’t had a game in a few weeks and I’m getting withdrawals, although there are worse things I could be feigning so it’s not necessarily a bad thing. I’m just glad for the chance to push my body physically and to clear my mind mentally a few times a week to keep me sane. I think we all have that something we look forward to that gives us that extra boost to make it through the week, wither its soccer or going out for drinks. So I guess what it really comes down to are the little things in life that keep us happy. Ya sure I’d like a million dollars and be able to goof off every day and not work, buy all sorts of cool gadgets, and party all the time. Reality is I can’t though so I’m going to have to tough it out day by day like everybody else so we need to remember those little things to keep us happy. Don’t be let down all the time because your job is hard, you want a raise, and you’re not driving a BMW. Instead remember to do small things you enjoy to keep your mind off the things that make you miserable. Trust me I’m a doctor

Television has changed the American child from an irresistable force to an immovable object.

Nothing of any significance happened today so I’m going to waste no time into my subject today of bad parenting. I guess it all started when I watched an ad on YouTube (to watch click here). Also with my outburst on fat kids it’s led me to getting frustrated on bad parenting. There are numerous overweight children on talk shows and tons of new shows about bringing bad kids to strict families, or bringing in strict nannies to bad families. When has it gotten to the point where parents can’t even control their own children?

Some people blame bad television, graphic movies, and violent video games for their children’s improper behavior. Overall that just leads back to the parents for allowing their children access to those programs. I’m no poster boy but I’m no screw up either. I may not be perfect but I’m a well behaved member of society and I can attribute that to the way I was raised. Growing up I remember I was only allowed to watch 30 minutes of TV a day and what I was allowed to watch was strictly limited. I didn’t get my first gaming system until 8^th grade and was I by no means allowed to have a violent game. Obviously I had access to those things in a limited amount via a friend’s house, staying home sick, or parents not being home for the evening. But because it was not a regular thing and I knew I wasn’t allowed to do those things those principals stuck with me. I don’t know if I followed those rules because I was a good kid or out of fear of what my mom would do if she found out but either way it worked. That point on fear brings me to my next point though of discipline.

Whatever happened to hitting your kids? I know that wasn’t really my generation, but my parents who were hit at home for misbehaving or in school for mouthing off but why did it stop? My parents did hit me occasionally when it was deserved but I’m ok. I didn’t break or need years of counseling to get over that when I hit my sister my dad hit me. If kids aren’t getting punished for what they do wrong how are they going to learn its wrong? So by the time Timmy is eight and never been punished in his life and doesn’t listen to you when you tell him to go to bed, why should he? He knows you’re not going to do anything about it. On the other hand if he’s raised that if he doesn’t listen he’s going to he hit or grounded he’s sure as hell going to jump when you tell him too because he knows it’s not worth the consequence not to. I just see these shows and I wonder how it got to that point. These parents let their kids walk all over them and are too afraid to do anything about it. If you can’t get your four year old to stop hitting you when you tell him knock it off, hit him back. I don’t mean a black eye and some loose teeth but enough to get the point across. Ya’ll they’ll probably cry but it would be more of shock than from pain. It just sickens me how easy parents give in to the sound of crying. I could keep going on about how much I hate that and the sick feeling it gives me just to think about but I’ve got one more stop on the tirade trade of mine.

I can’t stand obesity, I think it’s disgusting. Not in the way you would imagine though, not the physical appearance of how that person looks but the cause of it. I don’t think anybody can get obese unless they try especially at such a young age (because we’re still talking about kids and parenting). All the little kids I know have an insane amount of energy and a metabolism higher than empire state building. So how is it that those three year olds are weighing the same amount as baby elephants? I’m going to relate this again to my experience growing up since I can’t use any parental experience. Elementary school I would go play with friends every day after school. I would either walk or ride my bike to wherever I was going, from there we would go out and play. We would play football or soccer in the yard, go to the school and play basketball, or just ride bikes through the neighborhood. When we stayed inside we boxed, wrestled, played hide and seek, or some other sort of exercise. Now I just see kids plopped down in front of a TV or video game for hours. I understand that’s easier than actually watching over your own offspring but come on show some responsibility! Also I wasn’t allowed to have any sugar and my mom cooked with only organic food. I realize that is a little over the top but just the basic healthy home cooked meals to replace the fast food because you don’t want to cook. Or switch the apples with the Oreos, its little things that that make the difference. Because when you give Junior junk food for snack, he sits in front of a television for hours until he eats his happy meal, and then goes back for a little bed time movie, yeah your kid is going to become a porker.

I’m going to leave it at that for now but it just bothers me seeing that and wondering what’s wrong with the world? I mean I say this not having any kids and realize it’s easier said than done, but I mean I know I’m going to be busy but I’m not going to substitute my childs health and wellbeing for some extra time in the office or to go out and have a good time. Or just chain some damn weights on chubbys ankles and make him walk his fat ass the 5 blocks to school instead of driving him……

Everyone has a right to be stupid; some people just abuse the privilege.

Today I found heaven, and heaven has a name. That name is Costco. This place is amazing! I’m not talking about the buying in bulk for discounted prices I’m talking about the store itself. Maybe it was the fact it was the first time being out of my house in two days but that was a freakin blast. I got to eat pizza and push a cart and get free samples. But the best part is you can do whatever you want in there. It’s not like Wal-Mart where the people walk around and yell at you for playing with toys, you get away with anything. I guess that’s part of the privilege of being a paying card carrying member. I laid down on a bunch of canned peaches and pretended to take a nap, I hid (and scared the shit out of some guy) in a huge thing where they keep extra boxes, and did a cannonball into it later. It wasn’t the fact that nobody saw because employees saw it happen and didn’t say anything, one thought it was actually funny and hid me under some boxes! I felt like royalty today in Costco, is that the same concept that country clubs have too?

I guess it was the cabin fever that made it so much more enjoyable because everything else we did today was a lot more than it should have been. We yelled at people as we drove by them and swore at all the bad drivers who were idiots in the snow. One car in particular had managed to drive halfway up one of the snow embankments and got stuck. I don’t know what they were thinking trying to drive up it because they didn’t just barely knick it, they were full on tried to drive straight up that son of a bitch. They actually made it about halfway up to before they suck in, looks like they won’t be getting their car back until June.

Also driving home there was a little old lady who couldn’t even stand up fully that was trying to shovel out her driveway. I told the driver to stop and I hopped out to go help this poor old lady. I offered my help and she gladly accepted and I got to work and cleared out the rest of her driveway. She offered to pay me after I took over the shoveling but I told her that it wasn’t necessary. So I finish my work and she tries to hand me money and I kindly refuse because I didn’t do it to take her money but because she was truly in need of help. She insisted that I take it and as I tried to push her hand away she yells “than I’ll just leave it here” and throws the money at me. So I pick up the bills and she walks back inside her house. I count the bills and it’s a lousy six bucks all in ones. Seriously I know it’s a recession but six dollars? I would have complained had I been doing it for money but instead I waited for her to return to her house and I walked up and put the money in a secure place where she would see it next time she exited her house.

I don’t even know why she bothered she definitely did not look capable of driving, and absolutely should not drive with snow on the ground. And for the record, if you have an SUV it doesn’t mean you can drive in snow. Sunday there was people getting stuck all over the place and it was all SUV’s. You didn’t see little cars getting stick because they knew they couldn’t make it. I have an SUV and this thing sucks so I just left it alone till all the roads were clear and got it today. I guess its true that only stupid people are breeding. Seriously people just seem be getting stupider every single day and its crazy. Is there something in the water? Or are they just too stupid to know how birth control works so they are the one poppin out little retards? Is stupidity the dominant gene and being smart is recessive? Whatever it is something is going down. First there was the obese kids epidemic, and now it’s turning out that those little fatsos are complete morons too. The future of this world is doomed.

I could write more but I think I’ll save it for tomorrow because I could write a lot on bad parenting and all these stupid nanny 911 shows and trading spouse shit. When they trade wives do they sleep with them too? That’s what I want to know, I don’t care that little Sally doesn’t like the new mommy because she’s mean and ugly. But I’ll save all that drama for tomorrow.

Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.

Good job Saints, I don’t freakin care you won. In fact I didn’t care so much that I didn’t even watch the game. I felt the need to sleep was greater than to watch two teams I don’t care for duke it out on TV. I’m not going to watch the super bowl just because it’s the super bowl. It is fun to have a party and watch the game with friends but I didn’t go to one. So since I wasn’t at a party eating chips and pizza and didn’t like either team enough to watch I took a nap. To be quite honest it was one of the best naps I’ve ever had.

I’m actually still really tired and want to go back to sleep but I’ll finish writing in here first before I call it a night. I didn’t write just to say I don’t like the Saints I do actually plan on saying something a little more profound. Nothing is coming to mind though; I’m so brain dead right now I can’t muster up a few lousy paragraphs about anything.

I’ve got work in the morning and am actually looking forward to going. I’ve been stuck inside for two straight days and I need out! I am also looking forward to work because I like what I do but I really need to get out. I think the best thing about my job is all the room for progress and opportunity to learn new things. Now I never really liked school but that doesn’t mean I don’t like to learn. I started this job with my main purpose to help dig holes, carry heavy objects, and assist technicians however they needed. I knew absolutely nothing about anything in this industry; I didn’t even know what most of the tools they used were. I’ve been working there for eight months and have learned so much. Although I have learned all this great amount of information it hardly even scratches the surface of what there is to now.

I know how to install certain types of operators that we use, I can figure out why things aren’t working sometimes, or to switch something out, but that’s really just the beginning of what there is to know. Our line of work has such variety that I could work on something completely different ever day of the week. It’s just crazy how much technology there is and the things that we can do with it. I’m learning about things I thought were just made up in movies and not actually possible. Even the simple things we do are just incredible. Did you ever think about how you can push a button and your car unlocks? How at 1:30 am you come to a light and it switches for you? These are some of the technologies that we use on a daily basis that most people don’t even think twice about.

Maybe its just me and my curiosity but I don’t like just knowing that things work, I want to know why and how. I guess that’s why I enjoy my job so much because besides doing a service for people and getting paid to fix things but I’m also learning. Every day I learn something new at work wither it’s on the job site or in the office just having somebody explain a relay to me. I love knowing I’m not going to go out at work and be bored with the same old hum drum bullshit that makes everyday life so boring. I look forward to work and go in with an open mind so I can become better at what I do. I like what I do and I want to be the best.

Letting go doesn’t mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be

It’s been a day or two since I wrote but who’s counting. It snowed an ass load the past two days (about two feet) and I absolutely hate it. If I didn’t emphasize it enough in my last post, I really hate snow! Its cold, wet, and it sucks. So I’ve been stuck in pretty much all day which also sucks. What I would do just to go to 7-11 right now! Although the snow hasn’t been all bad, last night RJ and I went out in his badass Jeep and we drove around in the snow. That thing is a beast I was pretty impressed and it was loads of balls.

Today was not quite as exciting though. I spent all day moving my crap downstairs while moving all my parents crap upstairs. It wouldn’t have been so bad but there were a few things hindering my success. First is the fact I have no bedroom at the moment. The room which is going to be my bedroom is covered in dust and mold so I can hardly breathe due to allergies and has to be cleaned before moving in. Second thing was moving stuff sucks. It was tiring moving desks, beds, bookcases, and other types of furniture along with all the stuff the accompanied them. Last of all I had to spend an entire day at home with my parents. That was probably the worst part about the day (beside shoveling snow).

Overall though I guess I can’t complain. My parents were kind enough to give up their downstairs dwelling to me for more room and privacy. It all started when I talked with my mom one morning (about 8am on a Saturday when my mom woke me up to talk to me) and told me that I should consider this idea she had as opposed to my idea of moving out. Really I’m just glad to be saving money and not giving up half a months worth of work just to live somewhere. I’m horrible at saving money and I could only imagine how little money I would have if I was paying rent. Hopefully I can do better so in a year or so when I decided to move out for real I’ll have a little financial stability.

But aside from all that boring nonsense I found out some interesting stuff about myself the other day. I went to a psychiatrist the other day because I am in between doctors and was in need of more medication so I needed to see a doctor that could prescribe it for me. But since I was paying a ridiculous amount of money to do this and the couch was so comfy I decided to let him in on a few secrets on the life of Jeff. After an hour or so and a few heartwarming stories that would even make Disney cringe but he came to his final analysis that on top of depression I’m also bi polar.

Now I’ve never been one to depend on medicine to get by, or to blame a disorder for any of my problems but there comes a point when I have to decide what the right decision is. I thought to myself “hey everybody cries” when I was feeling depressed and it worked a little until I finally had to give in so I could get a good nights sleep. I never could pay attention in school and had a hard time doing my work and found out I got ADD and a reading disability. I decided to tough it up and continue on my own without any medicinal aid So now I have to think, can I handle this roller coaster or feelings on my own and not have everybody around me hate me or should I give in and take another medication? I’ve been on both sides of this and got to come to a decision. Although I’m listening to Bon Jovi and the song Sleep When I’m Dead is on so I guess I didn’t need meds to help me sleep, so I don’t need these either. Thanks Bon Jovi I knew I could count on you to help me make important life decisions!

I'm afraid its all been wasted time

FUCK SNOW!

I contemplated leaving that and making it my entire post for added emphases on that statement but decided against it. But seriously more snow?!? Then more again over the weekend? What did I do in a past life to deserve this? It has to have been in a past life because there is nothing I have ever done, not even put together to deserve this much snow. I must have been a sick sick person. I’ll know how sick I really was if there’s just enough snow to still have to work tomorrow but just makes everything a mess and am completely trapped in over the weekend.

I can’t complain too much though, I was gonna be stuck inside working all weekend anyway. I’ve graduated out of my bedroom in my parents’ house to the basement haha. So I’ll be spending the rest of the week moving furniture up and downstairs and getting my room ready. I’m actually pretty excited about this because I now will have a bedroom and living room to myself and my own bathroom and entrance to the house. So what does that really add up too? Less encounters with my parents. Save money since I don’t have to get an actual apartment and buy some pretty cool stuff. I really just want a nice 30 some odd inch TV and a PS3 to help me pass the time while sitting by myself in my room passing the time. Or when I’m snowed in!!!

Maybe when I’m snowed in I can build my vocabulary and learn to write really well and think of a bunch of different topics so this blog will be less dull and maybe even somewhat fascinating. Who am I kidding, if I had free time to lounge around those are probably last on the list, even after clean, do my make up, and cut my finger nails with chainsaws. Ya that wasn’t really funny but you get the point. Actually do you get the point? The point was I won’t do that, so I’m just not going to lie to you or myself. I cant even get myself to change right now. I’ve been home for two hours; really it’s only been two hours?!? I haven’t even changed or showered yet. I’m sitting in my long johns, thermal shirt and mixed matched slippers. Its actually a pretty sexy look but I digress. I smell like burnt steel and my hands and face are pretty black. The joys of this job. Back to the point, what was the point? I don’t know and I’m not reading back to figure it out because I don’t care. Which might have been my original point in the first place?

Since I have resorted to bickering with myself I think now would be a good time to end this and go shower and change. Yet after writing that I still just find myself sitting at my computer as if I were glued to my chair. I really disappoint myself sometimes

You will never "find" time for anything. If you want time, you must make it.

Its 11:30 and I’m just now getting down to writing for the day. Last week was a pretty easy week considering I had a set schedule at work inside and a rest week from my workout. So basically the two things that consume my time and energy weren’t taking up my time and energy. So today I had to man up and work outside in the snow, come home and push myself as hard as I could in my workout, and go play basketball. Now that I see it in writing I know why I’m so tired all of the time. But seriously is a bad thing to be this busy?

I guess this is a first that I don’t have to bullshit through two paragraphs to get to my topic. Is it ad to be busy if it’s important things? I sometimes have trouble prioritizing my time because I don’t know which or my activities are most important. Do I have to sacrifice my work out to hang out with friends? Or do I work out, go see friends, and lose out on sleep? I just don’t know. I would love to do all of the things but I just can’t. I made a commitment to myself that I would stick with my P90X because I started it before and didn’t finish. But is getting to the physical condition I want having friends mad at me because I can’t spent enough time with them, or any time at all? I mean what’s the point of having this perfect body if nobody ever even sees it? Ok that was stupid but I was trying to make a point. It’s kind of like the parent who works so hard to provide everything his family wants and is so committed to his job that it defeats the purpose and his family just wants to spend time with him. I don’t think I’m going to lose any friends over this ordeal but I do want to spend time with them.

I guess this is just part of growing up and have to figure out what’s most important. I’m physically exhausted all of the time and I guess my Mom is right when she says I have to stop burning the candle at both ends. I’m not in college anymore and can’t expect myself to go live It up every night of the week; I have a full time job and certain responsibilities I have to deal with now. The thing is I play on 3 different sports teams which don’t even give me much free time, or time to rest on weekends either. Maybe I have to realize I’m not going to become a professional soccer player and 1 team a season will be enough. But at the same time I would play soccer every night of the week if I could so I just don’t know. So I guess for now I’m just going to have to keep stretching myself out too thin until I reach some sort of balance.

Its taken me 45 minutes to write those lousy three paragraphs and is already 12:15 and I do need to go to bed. I just got home from basketball when I started this so I was already tired. Maybe my blog is one of the things that will have to go in order to give me more time during the day? I don’t know and I don’t know if I ever will for sure but I’m going to have to find some compromise soon or I’d going to be among the living dead walking through life like a zombie. As much as I could fit into the day if I gave up sleeping I definitely know that’s not going to make me happy so that’s one of the things I have to keep for sure. So I’m getting off now and going to bed. Goodnight world!

Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget.

So I’m feeling a little guilty that I missed writing yesterday. Not because I have loyal readers who are anxiously waiting for me to write something, or because I let myself down. I knew I wasn’t going to be able to write every day but I thought I’d at least be able to get one full week in before I decided to slow it down. But oh well no use crying about it now. I’m not really sure why I didn’t though it’s not like I was busy all day and I even thought about it so I didn’t just forget. My soccer and basketball game both got cancelled due to snow and I didn’t go out at night so I guess I was just being lazy plain and simple. And I fell asleep around 9 last night so I couldn’t do it then but between when I got home from work and falling asleep there was a lot of time. But like I said, big whoop I’m not really disappointed.

Its almost 9 again and I’m feeling like I might be having the same bedtime again tonight. I’m not really sure why I’m eve tired; I slept until 10 this morning, laid in bed for about an hour and a half and fell back asleep for another hour and a half. That’s a lot of freakin sleep! And I can’t blame it on my week because I took a nap every day this week and was my rest week from working out. So if anything I shouldn’t really be this tired. Whatever it is I’m going to have to suck it up and start a new week, with being back outside In the cold for work and working out again, I don’t have time to be lounging around in all my free time (and by free time I mean any time I’m not at work).

Well here I am again two paragraphs in with nothing written that has served anybody a purpose, and for that I apologize because I’m sure it’s quite boring. I only do it because this is really my only outlet how I feel I guess. I never really tell people how I feel so this my way of doing it without actually having to do it. I’m not really sure why I have such a hard time doing it but I do and sometimes it’s very frustrating. I don’t usually tell the people that I love and care about that I love and care about them as much as I should. I don’t tell people when I’m sad or hurt because it seems like a weakness. I don’t tell people when they want too much out of me and tend to let people walk all over me. I have a hard time telling girls I like them and want to date them, even if the feeling is mutual and I know it. I have a hard time telling people how much they really mean to me when a simple thank you was not nearly enough praise. So I go around everyday holding all this within and finally just needed to let it out, even if it’s not to the people that need to hear it. Although at least so far the people that read this are my dear friends and I love each one of you, I have only told a handful about this blog so I know who you are, and I hope you know who you are. So I guess I’ll take this time and thank each of you for being there for me.

For my friend I’m going to call Turtle, you are my best friend. You would do anything for me and I the same for you. I’m not really sure what I would do without you and I am forever grateful you are my friend. To my friend in Belize; I love you and you are a better friend to me than I am to you. I’m sorry I haven’t always been there for you even though you have and will always be there for me. I’m so happy and proud that you are my friend and the people you are serving are lucky to have you. To my friend Toot, you are amazing. You are a good friend and a good person to those that you don’t even know. You have so many talents and I’m happy that you have utilized them and not let them go to waste. To my friend and sometimes sidekick on adventures, you are awesome. You were willing to spend time with me even when it wasn’t always convenient for you, if that meant exploring the boring town we lived in or putting aside what you were doing to talk to me. Thank you so much for that and I miss having you around for that. To my sleepy friend on a small island, you are beautiful! That is why I have a picture of you and me together for everybody to see. Your beauty is not only skin deep but throughout your entire body. You have so much to offer to everybody you meet and I am glad that I was able to be one of those people touched by you.

I could have written tons more about each of you but I didn’t want to because it would take to long for me to write and you too read so I just wrote the basics. But I felt it was important to tell you this because you mean so much to me and I want you to know.

There is a light that never goes out

I don’t know what I did but I am in the best mood I have been in a long time. The weird part about it is that considering the circumstances I really shouldn’t. Its been a tough week at work and spending the whole week in the office has made me go a little crazy (especially the 12 straight hours I spent in there last night), I got about 4 hours of sleep last night, and completely destroyed my throat last night. But despite all of that I am feeling invincible! I came into work with a great attitude and everything today has just turned out good. We got a big deal with a company that wants us to do work for them and the politics talk didn’t even bother me. In fact I even brought it up a time or two and made opposing remarks. Maybe it’s just the Prozac kicking in but whatever it is I like it.

I am completely ending that thought because I had stop writing for like half an hour and am coming back in am in an even better mood and didn’t feel like going back to continuing what I was saying. I have found a new you, the label maker! This thing is freakin sweet! It does pictures too! I’m making labels for everything in the office; so far I’ve labeled a pencil with a picture of a pencil, the phones with a picture of a phone, and the computers with the picture of a computer. My day has just gotten so much better and can’t wait to finish this post so I can continue my mischief. Did I mention that I’m also blasting Lady gaga? That little detail is crucial. Just so you know I did actually do some work though. I do want to try to write something with a little substance to it because I vowed not to write about the pointless things I do in my day to day life. So after I finish my interpretive dance to Pinks Sober I’ll get a real thought going.

I don’t think this qualifies as a significant thought but I think I’m in love with the singer from Flyleaf. Somehow that one sentence triggered something in this messed up brain of mine that has sparked an idea. I’m not satisfied with my life. Maybe I’m just so boring and routine that there isn’t even anything to get excited about but I just feel like something is missing. I felt that way when I dropped out of school, had no job, no relationship, no worries whatsoever and I’ve felt it while I had a good relationship, working two jobs, and playing soccer three nights a week. There is just some sort of void that is missing and I can’t figure it out, even when things appear to be great and I’m happy, I’m not. When I’m not around people parading around with my mask on I’m at home by myself trying to figure out what’s missing. I’m not saying my life completely sucks, but it would be nice to figure it out soon. I’ve got friends and family who love me and I love them in return, I’ve got a good job that I enjoy doing, I’ve had good relationships with great girls, but even with all those its not complete. I looked to religion to see if that’s what it was missing, I turned to alcohol as well. I got Prozac just to help me make it through the day. Hopefully I find whatever it is and soon, or if somebody knows the answer please let me know. Its getting exhausting living life this way, and want to break out of this frame of mind. Maybe the label maker is what has been missing and is the source of all my happiness.

Its weird how I went right from being in a great mood right back into this gloomy state but I guess I’m used to that now. I guess being in the good mood I was earlier is an indication that my life doesn’t completely suck so I can’t be too upset. Even the music I listened to changed moods. I somehow went from Lady Gaga and Pink to Anberlin and Thrice. It’s now 4:19 and time for me to finish writing and to go home and sleep. I’ve got to catch up on some of that sleep I missed last night and rest if I’m going to drown my problems tonight.

The President has kept all the promises he intended to keep

So I’m feeling a little guilty that all this week I have been writing while at work when there is probably actual work that I could be getting done. Go figure that as soon I finished that sentence the phone went crazy and had to handle a bunch of calls so now my conscious is cleared. I’ve been working in the office this past week because one of our two secretaries/project managers/every other possible job title that could be used for someone in an office is out of town and I being the only other employee that knows how to do office work is covering for her. I thought my job was hard dealing with all these electronic devices that have 700 different wires coming out of them and making gates do crazy things, but this brings stress to a whole new level. I don’t mind working in here, after all it is what I went to college for but after being used to all the grunt work I guess it actually made me kinda soft. I think what makes it working in here the hardest is the difference in attitudes. Out in the field working with the other guys we crack jokes, make lots of sexual references, insult customers (behind their back obviously), swear like sailors and its overall a pretty fun time. In the office I have to deal with customers directly and be polite, deal with other people in the office and be polite, and work on a computer and be polite. This is hard because I have a hard time being polite when I get irritated, even to a computer; because I think the caveman approach is in order soon. We have this new software that makes this tremendously annoying beep after every function and one of the employees insists that his volume be up to the max when he works on it in case he doesn’t know he actually did something he’ll get a reassuring BELEP after to confirm he did in fact just do something. But I think what gets to me the most in here is all the talk about politics.

One person in particular is a huge follower of politics especially for the Republican Party. The other day he mentioned some shit in the news which led to us having a conversation about it, conversation meaning he told me what happened because I hadn’t the slightest idea what was going on, which led to him finding out that I am democratic. Although I use that term very loosely because I don’t follow politics in the slightest so I guess it’s not really fair to say I’m a democrat but for this stories purpose let’s pretend I am. Well once he found out this little fact about my life he has made it a point whenever he can to bash on the Democratic Party. After three days of this nonsense it has finally started to get to me, and since I have the best luck in the world last night was the State of the Union. Whatever Obama said last night must have just blown a fuse in this guys head because he is just more upset than ever about whatever it was he said last night. So after three days of hearing his propaganda I have had enough, it’s not because what he says is frustrating because he’s insulting my opinion but because I just don’t give a fuck! I still have a hard time with my lefts and my rights, so how am I going to tell apart the leftist from the right ones? I don’t know which party is liberal and with is conservative. I cant tell you what McCain or Obama had on their platform or what that even means. All I know is politicians lie, cheat, and in a lot of cases not happy with their current relationships. At least Barack seems to have a loving relationship with Michelle so he’s ok in my book. As for the rest of the stuff that he does I don’t care. I’m just gonna have to sit back and deal with it just like every other American. So complaining to your coworker that doesn’t even care in t first place isn’t going to help the situation any. I mean when has a politician ever been completely honest, when was the last time any body was completely honest for that matter! I mean can we really expect that much from them?

I’m not sure why I have this thing for timing like how I said I wasn’t doing work and the phone rings because as soon as I started writing about my coworker he left for lunch. Guess it works both ways so I can’t complain. I guess complaining to people who don’t care can actually help sometimes! But once again I have come to the end of my philosophies on life and now have the fun task of looking up a title for this post. Is is bad that I get my title last and not choose my topic and title and then write? Not sure, who cares, maybe my awaiting lunch has the answer, peace!

So I am writing this after originally posted todays blog. As soon as I posted this and got up to get my lunch, said person above walked in, told me a new (political) nickname he made for me and another tid bit of information from last nights SoU. Like I said, great timing